La Push Journal: Past 2
by DiffyFree
Summary: Jennifer Heartly and her mother have moved to her mother's roots in la Push, having to adjust not only to a new school and home, but also the strange superstitions of the Quileutes. POST-Breaking Dawn; the Wolfe coven;short, journal-style chapters. PART 2
1. March 26th Temptation

**BE SURE to read La Push Journal: Part 1: Entwined before reading. I will be putting all new "journal entries/chapter" here to continue the story.  
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March 26th

Dear Journal,

Jason was at school yesterday. I don't know what happened to me but I felt as if he had never left. I am certain that Cade is just this distraction I have kept for myself. Maybe it's because he's a vampire, it's what he's _made_ to do. When I'm with him he makes me forget everything, he makes me believe whatever he says. I'm not sure if it's more like a drug or brainwashing, but now that Jason is back...

Not to mention that Caden isn't as self-controlled as he tries to make everyone believe. Last night he came over. His eyes seemed darker, not the usual bright gold, somehow shadowed. He never would explain why his eyes change so I stopped asking. Well, he was a lot more aggressive than usual, I'm afraid I encouraged him a little too much when he were swimming.

I was doing some of my homework and he kept trying to distract me (as usual) by playing with my hair and whispering things to me. "Cade, let me finish this. Surely you have school work too?" I asked him.

"Already done. You get pretty fast at it after repeating it so much," he said and pushed my book and paper to the floor before pulling me back into the pillows. "I'll do it for you later..." he whispered before pulling me in to make-out. I started shove him away before he kissed me.

"I don't want you doing my work. I need to do it myself. It's more important than making-out," I told him but I wasn't strong enough emotionally or physically. His lips landed on mine and I couldn't help but surrender. He knew it to. I know he is taking advantage of me but I can't help it so most of the time I just accept it.

He kissed me really aggressively, even for a normal, safe, human-human kiss. I was used to being careful and cautious; I knew there was a strong temptation for him. But last night his hands were all over me as his lips attacked mine like...like I was something to _eat_. "I want you, Jenny," he told me in between quick breaths. I didn't know what he meant, though I knew the only two options and I wasn't willing to give into either.

"Cade, I think you should..." I tried to say, tried to send him home but I could get out any more before his lips covered mine again. For a moment I thought he was this way because he knew my grandparents were gone taking my mom to the airport to visit my dad's parents. But I still wasn't comfortable with it.

As I tried to pull his hands off of me (of course I didn't succeed) he rolled me over onto my back and pinned me down. His eyes were almost black. "Caden! Let me go!" I shouted at him. Again, his lips captured mine in a harsh, passionate kiss. I kissed him back, thinking that was all he wanted. Then his kisses moved to my throat.

I felt him let go of one of my arms and slid down my chest to feel my heart. The sound of my blood pumping through my heart filled my ears. He pressed his ear against my chest, listening just as I was. He looked intoxication. For a while we lay really still. I was too scared to move.

Then he sat up and kissed my collarbone, then the base of my throat. "I can _feel_ how good you taste...just a bite..." he whispered. Then he sat up straight and looked at the window. I breathed a sigh of relief, but only gave my self a nano-second before falling off the bed, out from his grasp, and running to the door. I turned to see what had distracted him.

There Jason stood. He was taller than I remembered, all his baby fat gone. Whatever I had remark of his appearance as being "cute" before had somehow transformed into the physic of a handsome young man. I never thought of him as strong, but as he stood before me (shirtless in only a pair of jean shorts) my eyes took in his muscular chest and arms.

I could barely believe it was him.

"Get out," Jason said very sharply to Caden. The vampire stood with inhuman speed, growling.

"You think she'd be safer around you, pup?" Cade laughed.

"Maybe not entirely safe, but safer for sure. I'm not going to put myself in any tempting positions. Jen means to much for me to give in to selfish pleasures," Jason responded calmly. Cade snarled again. I had never seen him this way. He stood as if ready to attack. I saw him flinch to move.

As fast as my legs would carry me I ran into Jason's arms, hugging him. I wish my hug had been more of a "welcome home" sort of thing than a "stop it, Cade" but the situation wouldn't admit it. Caden had made a first move but stopped the moment he saw me.

"Get out," Jason told him again. He pulled his arms around me as Caden stalked towards the window. I felt his hand graze my lower back and Jason growled at him. Then he was gone.

"Jason, I've missed you so much," I told him. He held me maybe just a little too tight and rested his head on mine. I felt his chest rise up and down as he sighed deeply.

"I should go, Jen. I'll see you at school," he said, forcing me to let go of him.

"Go? You just got back!"

"We'll talk at school. I don't trust myself yet to be around you alone," he told me with a painful honesty. But somehow, his words were comforting after what had just happened. "I hope things can work out between us again..." his wished allowed and then was gone as well.

I really hope Cade doesn't come back. In fact, I've made up my mind to call Jacob today. I'll talk to Jason today at school, hopefully work something out. If I know anything for sure now it's this:

First, Jason is the one I want. The only times I don't want to be with him is when Caden is around.

Second, Cade is selfish and controlling. He knows how to manipulate me and does it only to often.

Third, this isn't going to end well. There is a war coming and somehow I fear it will involve more than just this irritating love triangle.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


	2. March 28th Seduced By My Blood

March 28th

Dear Journal,

So I talked to Jason yesterday. He explained a lot, not everything. I think there are some things that will just take time. Mainly, he explained why he was gone so long. When he first 'phased' he said it was "so painful and so scary" that he felt completely alone. And out of control. He ran out to the deep forest, too afraid of his new form to be around people.

That's when Jacob found him and the pack soon followed. Ironic that the boy-pack I was always so cautious of happened to be the wolves. I guess that's why they hang out together, because they understand each other. He said it was easier for him than the others because there was already quite a few of them so they knew what to expect and how to guide him.

But he was a little more out of control than they were. Jason said he doesn't remember ever doing the things they said he did, but he explain that sometimes he would smell or hear something and things would go black. A few hors later he would wake up to find a mauled, dead elk and the pack's thoughts explain everything. He wouldn't give me the details though.

Jacob said he just needs to learn self-control. It comes easy for some, but maybe not for all. I can tell Jason feels really stupid being the one in the pack that "looses it all the time". He also explained that he didn't trust himself to be alone with one person or a group of "small, vulnerable" people until he had learned to control his phasing and animalistic traits.

I asked what that meant for us. I feel almost guilty wanting to be with him again after everything I did with Caden, not that making-out is that far but Jason must feel at least a bit betrayed. I hate knowing that _I_ betrayed him.

"Well, for now it means just friends. I really do still..." he struggled for the right word. "...care for you, Jen. A lot. But I don't think it would be good for us to engage in a more intimate relationship until I can control myself. I'm not going to put you in a dangerous situation just because I want to fulfill my own selfish desires," he snarled. I knew he was thinking about Cade.

Cade didn't show up last night. I was relieved. I locked my window, even though I knew that couldn't keep him out.

After school, Jacob came. Jason had called his uncle (I forget how many greats); we both knew I could just tell him over the phone. We met at Jason's house, though I wasn't allowed to come over until Jacob had arrived. I was really nervous. I feel embarrassed now but the only way I could find to explain what had happened was to show him my journal.

I made him skip to the part where Caden became..."intoxicated" I guess would be the right word. He was really worried, I could tell by the look on his face. He told me to keep my windows locked, like I did, and to call immediately if Caden showed up. To be perfectly honest, he seemed almost _more_ stressed out than I had expected.

So I asked him if there was something I was missing. He sighed before answering.

"Whitney has told me that the last time they went hunting they got separated. When they finally joined up again, Caden seemed much stronger than usual. She said he was completely full but his eyes were not gold, not completely. She thinks he slipped up. Renesemee talked with him about it. He admitted to feeding on a homeless man living in the woods.

"She has tried to make him eat before he goes out to see you. We knew we couldn't stop him. But sometimes he says, "I'll eat on the way". We feel like he is somehow loosing all desire to be moral about this. He was doing so well and then...he must have gotten a taste of someone really delicious and the desire was aroused. I found notes he had written, hidden in his room, depicting how he was going to get another taste."

It was all so much. I knew I was the taste. That time he kissed me and bit my lip and I foolishly kissed him again, knowing my blood would overwhelm him. Jacob's words interrupted my thoughts. "In his notes he said he wanted to fulfill his every desire before feeding on someone's precious blood," he paused, struggling to continue. "I was stupid to let him take you to the meadow. If I had known what he had planned..."

"What? You mean...but he didn't," I said in disbelieve. He had brought me there to "fulfill his every desire" and I knew there were only two desires he ever had: my body and my blood. I almost gave him one that day, it wouldn't have been hard for him to obtain the other.

"That's when I showed up. I didn't know what he had planned but...I was ready to attack then. Get his hands off of you. I hated his mouth being on yours, it wasn't a kiss to me: it was an attack," Jason explained, his hands balling up into fists. He put his hands on my shoulders. "We're going to try to keep him away from you. I'm afraid that..." he stopped and sighed. I shuttered to hear him say he was afraid.

I didn't wait for him to finish. I moved closer to him for a comforting hug. He held me a little too tight again and kissed the top of my head. "We are going to try to keep a close eye on him. We have considered making him leave but I'm sure he will only be more of a threat if we don't know where he is," Jacob explained.

I couldn't believe that all along I had been right: he was manipulating me. He had been trying to seduce me as my blood had seduced. I felt even guiltier for being foolish enough to give in so many times. He had used every Vampire trick he had. Thank God Jason had been there, watching over me. As I hugged Jason, I felt he was really hot, warmer than the hot spring. I didn't ask then. Jacob said they will be watching Caden in Forks and the pack will be for Caden in La Push.

Now I know there is a war, but not a fight over love, but a fight over blood.

And I fear he'll stop at nothing till he gets it or...or he's dead.

XoXo Jennifer Heartly


End file.
